I'm so done haha

Ano sa.. sonna bichi wa iru kedo yo kekkou daikirai nanda shi ne...
Ore.. nani wo itteru ka sappari wakanain dakedo
maa ii kana

I just wanna pour all of my uneasy feelings here because I can't talk about this to anybody, too embarrassing, and disgusting at the same time. Oh well, once I've written this, guess I can be freer and watch anime delightfully. Ah, you know bloggie I just have a littleee amount of time just to worry about this shitty things. Let's get started now shall we

//Why do I suddenly write this in english??

Lately there's a dude which I want to punch him right on his face. He comes to my life, and I don't accept him btw up until now. But he comforts me and provides me things girls might need, like, caring, ride to somewhere with a car of course, dine, and of course the most important is, someone to be told to everyone that 'he's my boyfriend wannabe' or so like that

-I'll use present tense coz it's easier #slapped

But lately when I've come all the way forcing myself to see him ( I said force here because I really don't love him but I think I NEED him. Never have this feeling before but if you wanna know, it's feels like umm.. bitch who needs money no matter what that man'll do to her. Euh Gross. Something like that)
He just.. doesn't make an effort to come and talk to me like what he always do back then, strange indeed. He just sit and go around his damn cafe, scrolling his facebook WTH I'm ignored. I'm fcking badly ignored.

My mom said maybe he's just shy to open the conversation What the fuck? Okay, I'll try to be friendly with him but he doesn't respond to me like he before and he's so rude. He barely look at me while answering my questions. Son of shitty bitch, I'm trying so hard to distinguish this disgusting feeling and hold my hand not to punch you but this's what you give me? I'm so done

So after that I sit very far from him, talking to my beloved little brother. Come to think of it, this brother of mine is reaaaalyyy, faar mooore gentleman than him. He's just a trash. Shitty rubbish that really should just vanish, burnt at the core of the earth. Meh

But he approaches us at the end end we're discussing something about Annabelle but it's all nonsense.His not funny. Not at all. . He's pissing me off
I really wanna hit him so hard with this car I drove when I go home. He's so #$%^

The chatting thing's becoming worse and worse. I don't give a fuck and don't care about it at first, but my mom - moms are the best investigator they said, with awesome premonition and such - noticed that this moron dude doesn't even reply as he did when he first texted me, and she also said he hid his phone display from my mom back then, my mom suspects he has a new girlfriend wannabe that he's chasing around right now.

It hurt. He came and gone just by a month. After making my birthday unforgettable Shit.
I don't want to interact with boys like this =_= it sucks
Mom said I can go and find someone who's better than him and show off but I just can listen to her while caressing my A4 printed poster of Gin san beside me

I'm so done. Just by the time I get my hope up, everything's ruined. I'm so done. I'm seriously giving up on him. I hate the bitches who always make fun of me just because I'm single. I'm gonna beat their shitty ashes if they ever say something about it again it's freaking pissed me of af

Maybe it's my bad from the start too. Who needs boyfriend anyway? I just don't want to be hurt by anybody anymore. It's so sick and disgusting. Well I think that's all for today. A little more hardwork should shoo away this residual pain in my chest.. maybe
It's not a heartbreak. And I swear this's FAR MORE BETTER than receiving a bad score or losing things that mean a lot to me